Most of us have the basic belief/frame that people always has higher value or has lower value than us, never equal.
So you always need to find some way to get up there through tricks/techniques if you think he/she is on the pedestal, and you’ll look down someone if you think he/she has lower value than you.
When this old paradigm is what you really believe in, your reality, then everything you see, you’ll try to fit it into what you believe in.
This is all in your head. In reality, you’re equal.
A concept that relates you to and also separates you from your social environment. Your concept of who you are and how you’re different from people.
We are always processing our world through that little seed in our mind that is identity. What we perceive, the way that we perceive it, what we think about other people, way our emotions respond to other people.
There’s nothing physically stopping you from being who you want in social situations. We all have a construct of what a cool guy looks like, but we don’t give ourselves permission to be that guy. The only thing that’s really stopping you from being that guy is your sense of identity. If you don’t think you’re the cool guy high up on the totem pole, then anytime you try to be cool, it’ll feel weird and you won’t want to do it, like swimming upriver.
Ultimately, your potential for social success is unlimited, but it’s your identity that’s going to push you forward or pull you back. Anything that involves elevating your status or going beyond the constraints of your identity, you will block out that idea subconsciously. “That’s not me.”
Although your core never changes, many of your personality traits have developed in reaction. (Beta behavior, introversion, etc.)
The biggest thing is not to get too attached to what you believe right now. To grow and evolve you can’t be attached.
Everybody has a good idea of what they deserve, including the types of women. When you believe that you’re on a girl’s level, you’re gonna behave naturally and you’re easily gonna be able to create attraction with that girl. When you think you deserve, attraction is automatic.
But when you’re going into your head to relate to what she’s saying or impress her, on some SUBTLE, SUBTLE level the power’s being given away.
Lacking a crystal-clear concept of:
1. Who you are.
2. What you value.
3. What you’re grateful and appreciative for.
4. How your emotions work.
5. What you really want out of life.
6. Why certain influences are positive or corrupting.
Say you go out and get plastic surgery or you go out and purchase things that’ll impress people – while on the surface level it feels like you’re helping yourself, on the deeper level you’re establishing the pattern that you’re constantly living up to other people’s standards. A pattern of living in reaction through habits of behavior.
People want the shortcut, the magic pill, they don’t want a slow, gradual process. They want tactics, not principles. We don’t want to fix the larger problem, or face the complexities. When we’re living in reaction, we’re just putting a band-aid on our problem.
You don’t figure out how the world works on your own. You learn not to do a lot of stuff through 2nd hand feedback – learning socially.
On a subtle level, what we’re doing all the time is looking how other people are reacting to our behavior. Because we can read social cues, we can learn what is normal, permissible behavior.
So if you were young while your identity was forming and you tried to step up and you saw other people say “that’s not permissible behavior”, “That’s not the right way to act” then your mind goes “no, don’t do that” – “don’t act cool, don’t act popular, don’t be fun, etc.”
A great deal of your reality is unverified and second-hand. We don’t have enough time to learn everything on our own, so we learn to trust secondary info. We trust it based on how certain the other person is of what they are saying.
When someone has a lot of certainty about who you are, there’s a lot of psychological pressure put on you to become that person.
In your mind, you have a concept of what a cool/uncool person looks like. It’s an instinct to know what high status behaviors are.
Your mind is always pinging to find out how you’re supposed to act. In different situations you act differently, depending on where your mind thinks you are on the social totem pole. These different ways of acting are called imprints. You use different imprints in different situations. So depending on how people are reacting to you when you ping, you choose a different imprint.Your mind lets you choose a different personality based on what it thinks people will accept/like. It does this because for the first millions of years of evolution if you made someone unhappy they would take a rock and bash your head in. Now you can do practically anything and get away with it.
Yes, you’ll get humiliated a lot and feel uncool since you’re trying to be someone you’re not when you’re working on your personality, but you won’t get injured, you won’t die. If you’re afraid of humiliation and discomfort, then you’ll never grow.
It’s harder to willingly humiliate yourself then get in a fight for most guys because, while being a manly man is part of your identity, being a dumbass chode is not.
The mind has developed an emotional system that doesn’t let you act above your range, because it wants to keep you alive. It gives you encouragement to access the confident part of your personality, the “confident imprint” whenever you think you have value and gives you discouragement from accessing it when you don’t. You still have this system even though most of the threats it was designed to help you avoid no longer exist. There’s no risk of getting kicked out of the tribe and dying. Now it’s only “really embarrassing and annoying”.
By feeling good, you’re not feeling that pull of neediness and it allows you to be unreactive. Neediness makes you react. By not allowing your own behaviors and emotions to be thrown off by the other person’s reality, you are being the most unreactive.
This DOESN’T mean being unresponsive or inexpressive. It’s about being yourself, responding to the world, but on your own terms. Another way of looking at being unreactive is acting through your own intentions. When a girl tries to push you into the role of chasing/impressing her, you don’t allow that into your reality. You don’t react to that as being a part of your reality.
THE KEY: You stay positive, upbeat and being you, and draw her into that good reality and state that you’re in. “Not only do I not put up with negativity, I don’t even realize that negativity exists, because I’ve never seen it.” -> It’s outside of your reality, like trying to fit a square block into a circular hole.
Above: Notes from The Blueprint Decoded, which is a four-day lecture about real social dynamics presented by Tylor. You can also track from here: http://www.blueprintdecoded.com
- The core root of all attraction. You get attraction when you know how to communicate value.
- Value is like a magnet. When you have value, people will listen to what you have to say and they’ll try to impress you in conversation. You’ll change the topic of conversation/venue/etc and they’re into it.
- What constitutes value for a man is different than for a woman.
- If you’re walking up to a woman and you’re nervous, you heart is beating fast and you talk like you’re unsure of yourself and quiet, THAT HAS ZERO VALUE. NONE. That’s like having negative value. How well could you kill an animal to eat in caveman days if a woman intimidates you? (Sidenote: Cavemen didn’t need a mirror, you don’t need one either.)
- Value Comes First. (Rationalization)
- How you are perceived depends on your value. A nice guy with low value won’t really be seen as being nice, but a total dick with high value who does one nice thing for a girl will make her say “He’s such a nice guy.” -> Because he’s high value and the girl likes him, she will find something to rationalize why she likes him. “I like him because he’s nice.”
- Some girls will say: “I don’t care if a guy has value, I just want a guy who can make me laugh / that I can feel a connection with.” But if you have value, how easy is it to make people laugh? When you have enough value, sense of humor is automatic, you could do anything and people will laugh at it uncontrollably.
- Value tends to be a prerequisite. It’s not everything, but it tends to come first. She’s gonna give you much more of a chance, listen more, and be more affected by you if you have value.
- Because we only have so much time and energy, we tend to seek out the relationships that provide us the most benefit. It’s not good or bad – it is what it is. Recognize it, but don’t analyze or judge people for it.
- RAS (Reticular Activation System)
- Part of the brain which filters out that which is of no value to you and zones in on that which does have value.
- People sustain relationships by focusing on what they get out of it. When the value changes, what they focus on is subject to change.
- Social value could come as a result of a specific situation. It’s a form of value that isn’t worth anything on its own, but in a particular situation, as a result of the environment, is worth a lot. The environment gives someone status they wouldn’t have on their own.
- (Ex: Professor giving inspiring lecture, performer performing concert, guy throwing party at his house, DJ, celebrity, bartender, etc.)
- This leads to situational confidence. If you know that you can anticipate a positive response based on your environment, you’re gonna feel confident. You assume value and when you know that you have value, you will tend to be outside your head, when you don’t think you have value, you will tend to be inside your head. In the moment vs. micromanaging.
- When you are outside your head you are: enjoying yourself, acting in the moment, letting your real personality come out, saying what’s on your mind, being unaffected by how other people react, being detached from the outcome of any one particular interaction, taking things as they come, being fully present to what’s going on around you and expecting that everyone is your friend.
- When you are in your head you are: not enjoying the moment for what it is and saying to yourself “How can I make this moment better?”, “How can I get more status/liked/acceptance/validation?” You are trying to change your personality specifically to make people like you, feeling flustered by all the social things that you feel like you need to be doing, being emotionally affected by other people’s reactions, feeling like some particular interaction HAS to work or you might not get another chance, trying to think a step ahead and analyze how everyone will respond to you, being too stuck in your mind to even pay attention to what’s going on around you and feeling like you’re being judged. Makes you feel: unnatural, forced, needy, contrived.
- The Best Way To Make People Like You: Just express your personality freely and let the chips fall where they may.
- Whereas people with situational confidence will become inhibited and reactive when you put them into a new situation, someone with core confidence doesn’t depend on being in a situation. They assume value all the time, they have core value as opposed to situational value.
- The reason why you should have core confidence is simply because people will buy into it. You can see the glitch in the matrix, how other people are walking around and if you just appear a little more confident than them, you’ll have the dominant reality.
- “If you act like a rockstar, you’ll get treated like a rockstar.”
- Anyone can understand how and why you should have core confidence intellectually, but to really become a guy that’s great with women, you really need to have that “click” in your head: “Okay, I have core value.”
- This is about being able to be that same cool guy no matter where you are or who you’re with. Able to go into any environment and be the person who you’re meant to be, not relying on any personality shell or situational confidence.
- Most guys spend their lives chasing circumstances, it’s a self-destructive pattern. The problem is, most guy’s perception of the cause-effect relationship with these things is skewed.
- Ex: Cool clothes. Most new styles were created by guys who have enough charisma to pull them off. Hip hop clothes were first created by people who didn’t have money, but they decided it was cool and believed in it so much that it became cool. So rather than going out and trying to get the perfect clothes, what if you said “I’m gonna make these clothes cool. Own what I’m wearing.” Anything that you have, you can make cool. Don’t be the guy who reacts to trends, be the guy who creates them.
- Likewise, most people are looking in a venue for friends/relationships, “When I have these relationships, then I’m gonna feel confident.” But in reality, core confidence is what brings the relationships to you.
- Most people need people reacting to them in order to feel confident, but they don’t realize the cause and effect that when you are confident people react to you.
- The first layer of getting core confidence is the flipping of cause and effect. You can stop chasing all the circumstances. It’s not gonna happen right away. We’re just planting the seeds here. If you don’t know how your old, outdated emotional system works, it all feels so real. Knowing about this allows your core confidence to just sort of come out. And as you get more reference experiences your mind starts to accept “This is the truth.”
- Traits to cultivate to get core value:
- You identify yourself as an individual that can’t be categorized, with a dynamic and flexible identity that could evolve at any time that you choose.
- You know what you’ve been through in life and trust yourself to get by no matter what situation you choose. You value your opinion of yourself more highly than the values and opinions of others and you determine your own value by a criteria that is your own.
- You know that your acceptance in any particular situation is never a threat to your overall well-being.
- You know what your best qualities are and that even if people don’t see them or acknowledge them, you know very well that they exist. (You don’t need other people to validate that your best qualities exist. Your state will not go down.)
- You know that you offer real value to people and if they don’t see it, it’s their issue, not yours.
- You believe that your life, perspective and energy have an inherent value whether other people acknowledge it or not.
Above: Notes from The Blueprint Decoded, which is a four-day lecture about real social dynamics presented by Tylor. You can also track from here: http://www.blueprintdecoded.com
1/4: 30 second pitch
- Three sentences:
- What does your company do?
- How big is the market?
- How much traction do you have?
2/4: 2 minute pitch
- The three sentences of 30 second pitch.
- What’s unique insight?
- How you make money?
- If your team has done something particularly impressive – you need to call that out. “We were the founders of PayPal.” Probably want to say that. So if you guys have done something that is made investors money. You want to say that.
- How many founders, how many of them are technical, how long have you guys known each other.
- The Big Ask($$$)
- You have to figure out whether this is a conversation involves fundraising or not.
- You have to know how much money you’re raising.
- You have to know what the minimum check size is.
3/4: When to Fundraise
- When you are strong and the investors are weak.
- If investors are asking to give you money, you’re strong.
- If you can show an investor that you haven’t launched yet but you’ve done eight months of work in one month or two months and you’ve got a great team that have all quit their jobs and they’re totally committed, then you get some advantage back. You don’t get all of the advantage unless you have launched and are growing.
Above: Lecture by YC Partners
Why to start a startup?
- You should only start a startup if you feel compelled by a particular problem and that you think starting a company is the best way to solve it.
- The specific passion should come first, and the startup second. You’re so passionate about it that you have to do it and you’re going to do it anyways.
- The world needs you to do it. You’re actually well suited for this problem in some way. If this isn’t true, it may be a sign that your time is better spent somewhere else.
4 key areas: Ideas, Products, Teams and Execution.
- Idea is important, so is execution.
- I myself used to believe ideas didn’t matter that much, but I’m very sure that’s wrong now. The idea should come first and the startup should come second. Wait to start a startup until you come up with an idea you feel compelled to explore.
- Great execution is at least ten times as important and a hundred times harder than a great idea.
- The definition of the idea, as we talk about it, is very broad. It includes the size and the growth of the market, the growth strategy for the company, the defensibility strategy, and so on. When you’re evaluating an idea, you need to think through all these things, not just the product.
- Paul Graham:“The very best startup ideas tend to have three things in common: they’re something the founders themselves want, that they themselves can build, and that few others realize are worth doing. It’s best if you’re building something that you yourself need.
- Good startup ideas is that they’re almost always very easy to explain and very easy to understand. If it takes more than a sentence to explain what you’re doing, that’s almost always a sign that it’s too complicated.
- It’s also not dangerous to tell people your idea. The truly good ideas don’t sound like they’re worth stealing. Someday you need to build a business that is difficult to replicate. This is an important part of a good idea. (Unduplicated)
- The best ideas are usually very different from existing companies. Derivative companies, companies that copy an existing idea with very few new insights, don’t excite people and they don’t compel the teams to work hard enough to be successful. (Original)
- You want an idea that turns into a monopoly. But you can’t get a monopoly right away. You have to find a small market in which you can get a monopoly and then quickly expand.
- Think about the growth of the market. You need a market that’s going to be big in 10 years. (But:“Sizing the market for a disruptor based on an incumbent’s market is like sizing the car industry off how many horses there were in 1910.” — Aaron Levie, CEO of Box)
- I prefer to invest in a company that’s going after a small, but rapidly growing market, than a big, but slow-growing market.
- Surfing someone else’s wave, stepping into an up elevator, or being part of a movement.
- Best companies are almost always mission oriented.
- It takes years and years, usually a decade, to build a great startup. If you don’t love and believe in what you’re building, you’re likely to give up at some point along the way. Good startups usually take ten years.
- When it comes to starting a startup, it’s easier to found a hard startup than an easy startup. This is one of those counter-intuitive things that takes people a long time to understand.
- Long-term thinking is so rare anywhere, but especially in startups. There is a huge advantage if you do it.
- Most people think first of what they want to express or make, then find the audience for their idea.
You must work the opposite angle, thinking first of the public.You need to keep your focus on their changing needs, the trends that are washing through them. Beginning with their demand, you create the appropriate supply. —-50 Cent
- It includes customer support, the copy you write explaining the product, anything involved in your customer’s interaction in what you built for them.
- You first have to turn a great idea into a great product.
- One of the most important tasks for a founder is to make sure that the company builds a great product. Sitting in front of the computer working on their product, or talking to their customers.
- Step one is to build something that users love. So these are the two jobs: 1. Understand what users really want or need; 2. Then build it.
- Build something that a small number of users love.
- When people really love something, they’ll tell their friends about it, and you’ll see organic growth.
- If you try to build a growth machine before you have a product that some people really love, you’re almost certainly going to waste your time.
- Very few startups die from competition.
- Most die because they themselves fail to make something users love, they spend their time on other things.
- Start with something simple.
- Feedback Cycle
- You need some users to help with the feedback cycle, but the way you should get those users is manually—you should go recruit them by hand. You don’t need very many, you just need ones that will give you feedback every day, and eventually love your product.
- Great founders don’t put anyone between themselves and their users.
- Ask them what the like and don’t like, and watch them use it. Ask them what they’d pay for. Ask them if they’d be really bummed if your company went away. Ask them what would make them recommend the product to their friends, and ask them if they’d recommended it to any yet.
- Ignore things like total registrations, look at growth and active users, activity levels, cohort retention, revenue, net promoter scores, these things that matter.
- And then be brutally honest if they’re not going in the right direction. Startups live on growth, its the indicator of a great product.
- Cofounders: What to look for?
- Two or three cofounders seems to be about perfect. One, obviously not great, five, really bad. Four works sometimes, but two or three I think is the target.
- A good way to meet a cofounder is to meet in college. If you’re not in college and you don’t know a cofounder, the next best thing I think is to go work at an interesting company.
- Relentlessly resourceful
- So, you’re looking for cofounders that need to be unflappable, tough, calm, they know what to do in every situation. They act quickly, they’re decisive, they’re creative, they’re ready for anything.
- If you aren’t technical, and even if most of the people in this room feel like they are, you want a technical cofounder.
- Try not to hire
- It sucks to have a lot of employees, and you should be proud of how few employees you have.
- At the beginning, you should only hire when you desperately need to. The cost of getting an early hire wrong is high.
- You need people that believe in it almost as much as you do.
- The formula to hire the world’s best talent. Just three things:
- An incredibly large opportunity exists.
- Your company is in the absolute best position to fulfill it.
- Your company will succeed with or without them.
- A hire who believes in those three things will stay with you till the end. Notice there’s nothing about compensation.
- Get the best people
- To get the very best people, they have a lot of great options and so it can easily take a year to recruit someone.
- You have to convince them that your mission is the most important of anything that they’re looking at.
- By the way, that’s my number one piece of advice if you’re going to join a startup, is pick a rocketship. Pick a company that’s already working and that not everyone yet realizes that, but you know because you’re paying attention, that it’s going to be huge. And again, you can usually identify these. But good people know this, and so good people will wait, to see that you’re on this trajectory before they join.
- One question that people asked online this morning was how much time you should be spending on hiring. The answer is zero or twenty-five percent.
- If you compromise and hire someone
mediocre you will always regret it.
- The best source for hiring by far is people that you already know and people that other employees in the company already know. (Most great companies in text have been built by personal referrals for the first hundred employees and often many more. Most founders feel awkward but calling anyone good that they’ve ever met and asking their employees to do the same. But she’ll notice if you go to work at Facebook or Google one of the things they do in your first few weeks is an HR person sits you down and beat out of you every smart person you’ve ever met to be able to recruit them.//If you’re looking to join the next Facebook, keep up to date with your friends in the industry.)
- Experience matters for some roles and not for others. When you’re hiring someone that is going to run a large part of your organization experience probably matters a lot.
- There are three things I look for in a hire. Are they smart? Do they get things done? Do I want to spend a lot of time around them?
- Work with someone on a project for a day or two before hiring them. Work on a project together instead of an interview.
- For early employees you want someone that has somewhat of a risk-taking attitude.
- Animal test: The idea here is that you should be able to describe any employee as an animal at what they do.
- Keep them around
- He’d be comfortable reporting to if the roles were reversed. You don’t have to be friends with everybody, but you should at least enjoy working with them.
- As for employee equity, I think as a rough estimate, you should aim to give about ten percent of the company to the first ten employees. They have to earn it over four years anyway. (25% per year//And the clock doesn’t start until one year in. So if you leave after one year, you keep twenty-five percent of the equity, and if you leave after two years, fifty, and on and on like that.)
- When should co-founders decide on the equity split? In any case, you should try to have the ink dry on this before the company gets too far along. Like, certainly in the first number of weeks.
- You have to make sure your employees are happy and feel valued.
- You shouldn’t tell your employees they’re fucking up every day unless you want them all to leave because they will.
- Look in the mirror (at themselves) when things go wrong and look through the window (give credit to others/team) when things go right!! (You have to let your team take credit for all the good stuff that happens, and you take responsibility for the bad stuff.)
- To be aware that you will be a very bad manager and try to overcompensate for that.
- Three things that motivate people to do great work: autonomy, mastery, and purpose.
- Fire fast
- Firing people is one of the worst parts of running a company.
- To fire fast when it’s not working.
- You also wanna fire people who are:
- creating office politics
- who are persistently negative.
- If someone is getting every decision wrong, that’s when you need to act.
- What about cofounders that aren’t working in the same location? The answer is, don’t do it. Maybe more than 30 would be more encouraging. I don’t know if Wufoo founders worked in different locations, but they managed to build a company with remote workers Also, the founders of One Kings Lane, who met on a “blind date” (at 19:44). They also “outsourced everything.”
- The way to have a company that executes well is you have to execute well yourself.
- The CEO has five jobs:
- Set the vision
- Raise money
- Hire and manage the team.
- Make sure the entire company execut
- Execution gets divided into two key questions.
- Figure out what to do
- Get it done.
- You need to figure out what the one or two most important things are, and then just do those.
- And you can only have two or three things every day, because everything else will just come at you. (Founders get excited about starting new things.)
- The trick to great execution is to say no a lot.
- Each day it’s really important to have goals. Most good founders I know have a set of small overarching goals for the company that everybody in the company knows.
- You can’t be focused without good communication even if you have only four or five people at a company.
- The secret to start up success is extreme focus and extreme dedication.
- A small amount of extra work on the right thing makes a huge difference.
- Facebook has this famous poster that says move fast and break things. It’s easy to move fast or be obsessed with quality, but the trick is to do both at a startup. You need to have a culture where the company has really high standards for everything everyone does, but you still move quickly.
- Always keep momentum.
- Always keep growing.
- Sales fixes everything.
- A board member of mine used to say that sales fix everything in a startup. And that is really true.
- Don’t worry about a competitor at all.
- A good way to keep momentum is to establish an operating rhythm at the company early.
- Shipping product
- Launching new features
- Reviewing /Reporting metrics and milestones
- Don’t spend more money than you have.
Above: Lecture by Sam Altman, Dustin Moskovitz