The core root of all attraction. You get attraction when you know how to communicate value.
Value is like a magnet. When you have value, people will listen to what you have to say and they’ll try to impress you in conversation. You’ll change the topic of conversation/venue/etc and they’re into it.
What constitutes value for a man is different than for a woman.
If you’re walking up to a woman and you’re nervous, you heart is beating fast and you talk like you’re unsure of yourself and quiet, THAT HAS ZERO VALUE. NONE. That’s like having negative value. How well could you kill an animal to eat in caveman days if a woman intimidates you? (Sidenote: Cavemen didn’t need a mirror, you don’t need one either.)
Value Comes First. (Rationalization)
How you are perceived depends on your value. A nice guy with low value won’t really be seen as being nice, but a total dick with high value who does one nice thing for a girl will make her say “He’s such a nice guy.” -> Because he’s high value and the girl likes him, she will find something to rationalize why she likes him. “I like him because he’s nice.”
Some girls will say: “I don’t care if a guy has value, I just want a guy who can make me laugh / that I can feel a connection with.” But if you have value, how easy is it to make people laugh? When you have enough value, sense of humor is automatic, you could do anything and people will laugh at it uncontrollably.
Value tends to be a prerequisite. It’s not everything, but it tends to come first. She’s gonna give you much more of a chance, listen more, and be more affected by you if you have value.
Because we only have so much time and energy, we tend to seek out the relationships that provide us the most benefit. It’s not good or bad – it is what it is. Recognize it, but don’t analyze or judge people for it.
RAS (Reticular Activation System)
Part of the brain which filters out that which is of no value to you and zones in on that which does have value.
People sustain relationships by focusing on what they get out of it. When the value changes, what they focus on is subject to change.
Social value could come as a result of a specific situation. It’s a form of value that isn’t worth anything on its own, but in a particular situation, as a result of the environment, is worth a lot. The environment gives someone status they wouldn’t have on their own.
(Ex: Professor giving inspiring lecture, performer performing concert, guy throwing party at his house, DJ, celebrity, bartender, etc.)
This leads to situational confidence. If you know that you can anticipate a positive response based on your environment, you’re gonna feel confident. You assume value and when you know that you have value, you will tend to be outside your head, when you don’t think you have value, you will tend to be inside your head. In the moment vs. micromanaging.
When you are outside your head you are: enjoying yourself, acting in the moment, letting your real personality come out, saying what’s on your mind, being unaffected by how other people react, being detached from the outcome of any one particular interaction, taking things as they come, being fully present to what’s going on around you and expecting that everyone is your friend.
When you are in your head you are: not enjoying the moment for what it is and saying to yourself “How can I make this moment better?”, “How can I get more status/liked/acceptance/validation?” You are trying to change your personality specifically to make people like you, feeling flustered by all the social things that you feel like you need to be doing, being emotionally affected by other people’s reactions, feeling like some particular interaction HAS to work or you might not get another chance, trying to think a step ahead and analyze how everyone will respond to you, being too stuck in your mind to even pay attention to what’s going on around you and feeling like you’re being judged. Makes you feel: unnatural, forced, needy, contrived.
The Best Way To Make People Like You: Just express your personality freely and let the chips fall where they may.
Whereas people with situational confidence will become inhibited and reactive when you put them into a new situation, someone with core confidence doesn’t depend on being in a situation. They assume value all the time, they have core value as opposed to situational value.
The reason why you should have core confidence is simply because people will buy into it. You can see the glitch in the matrix, how other people are walking around and if you just appear a little more confident than them, you’ll have the dominant reality.
“If you act like a rockstar, you’ll get treated like a rockstar.”
Anyone can understand how and why you should have core confidence intellectually, but to really become a guy that’s great with women, you really need to have that “click” in your head: “Okay, I have core value.”
This is about being able to be that same cool guy no matter where you are or who you’re with. Able to go into any environment and be the person who you’re meant to be, not relying on any personality shell or situational confidence.
Most guys spend their lives chasing circumstances, it’s a self-destructive pattern. The problem is, most guy’s perception of the cause-effect relationship with these things is skewed.
Ex: Cool clothes. Most new styles were created by guys who have enough charisma to pull them off. Hip hop clothes were first created by people who didn’t have money, but they decided it was cool and believed in it so much that it became cool. So rather than going out and trying to get the perfect clothes, what if you said “I’m gonna make these clothes cool. Own what I’m wearing.” Anything that you have, you can make cool. Don’t be the guy who reacts to trends, be the guy who creates them.
Likewise, most people are looking in a venue for friends/relationships, “When I have these relationships, then I’m gonna feel confident.” But in reality, core confidence is what brings the relationships to you.
Most people need people reacting to them in order to feel confident, but they don’t realize the cause and effect that when you are confident people react to you.
The first layer of getting core confidence is the flipping of cause and effect. You can stop chasing all the circumstances. It’s not gonna happen right away. We’re just planting the seeds here. If you don’t know how your old, outdated emotional system works, it all feels so real. Knowing about this allows your core confidence to just sort of come out. And as you get more reference experiences your mind starts to accept “This is the truth.”
Traits to cultivate to get core value:
You identify yourself as an individual that can’t be categorized, with a dynamic and flexible identity that could evolve at any time that you choose.
You know what you’ve been through in life and trust yourself to get by no matter what situation you choose. You value your opinion of yourself more highly than the values and opinions of others and you determine your own value by a criteria that is your own.
You know that your acceptance in any particular situation is never a threat to your overall well-being.
You know what your best qualities are and that even if people don’t see them or acknowledge them, you know very well that they exist. (You don’t need other people to validate that your best qualities exist. Your state will not go down.)
You know that you offer real value to people and if they don’t see it, it’s their issue, not yours.
You believe that your life, perspective and energy have an inherent value whether other people acknowledge it or not.
Above: Notes from The Blueprint Decoded, which is a four-day lecture about real social dynamics presented by Tylor. You can also track from here: http://www.blueprintdecoded.com